Sexual Predators often use Control Tests
Deadly Frost is now priced at most digital book stores beginning Aug 1st for $2.99. Hopefully you had a chance to pick it up and read it for free while on promotion. If you enjoy it, please post a review on the site you download it from, or feel free to post reviews on Goodreads or BookBub. Deadly Frost is continuing to get great reviews and feedback.
Her are a few of the review comments (I'll try to do this on every blog):
"Deadly Frost has a very dark plot in which the author provides disturbingly powerful visuals. I was scared yet keep coming back to read more. Don’t let this deter you from reading as there is a lot more depth to the story line than just a hunt for a serial killer. It does not have a typical thriller ending which is refreshing. The darkness fades and leaves one reflecting on family, friends, racism, and the social justice system. I definitely would read a second book and hope he brings back a few colorful characters specifically, Pop, Preacher and the sheriff. The dramatic visualization of the fight for your life scenes leaves me wanting for a self defense class with TJ Shipley as my instructor."
“Awesome. Thank you very much! I enjoyed this story completely. I could barely put it away for the next day. Could hardly wait to pick it up again in the morning!!”
Here is something you need to always remember. Rape/sexual assault is not about what you wear, how you dress, how you look, something you’ve done, or even your age. Rape/sexual assault is about control. You don’t attract the rapist – they select you. You don’t cause someone to pick you. They select victims based on their own criteria, which can be the same every time (such as dark hair parted in the middle – like Ted Bundy’s most common victim profile), or completely different every time. But the one commonality is almost always their desire for control.
Withholding control will of course not guarantee your safety, but it will greatly improve your level of risk overall. There is no magic process to insure your safety at all times. Driving the speed limit and being extremely cautious will not keep you out of a car wreck. But it will reduce the odds of a wreck and may help minimize the impact if you are in a wreck. The same holds true for sexual assault awareness.
Common Control Tests and potential Responses to Consider – Remember things are not always what they seem on the surface.
Meeting someone new on a bus or subway, meeting in a bar, going on a date, or any one of a thousand different situations; most rapist/sexual assault criminals will give you “control tests” to see if you are a hi risk or low risk victim to THEM. Most want someone they can manipulate, isolate, hopefully intoxicate, and intimidate. These are the victims who are least likely to fight back, make a scene, or report being attacked. There are four different profiles for rapists, and they may use different tactics because of their profile behaviors. I’m also not talking about gang attacks. I’ll address those later but for now I want to speak to the most common risks from all threats you can try to identify and avoid.
Issue: many women are taught to be polite, don’t make a scene, try and make the other person comfortable. Many people (men and women) naturally want to be helpful. These are the primary behaviors and areas that control testing try to take advantage of.
Here are several scenarios that may or not be a control test – but may be. If it makes you feel uncomfortable or just doesn’t seem quite right, raise your awareness so you don’t appear to be a low risk victim. Then take action to get out of the situation.
If someone comes up to you in a parking lot and ask for directions (or any question), that is a common ploy. If they continue to ask further questions or move closer that is a signal you are being tested.
You may feel uncomfortable just with someone’s approach. My belief is to go with your gut feeling. If their approach seems unusual or simply bothers you brush them off by stating your running late or don’t know. Quick answers and then move on or get in your vehicle and leave. Do whatever you feel is necessary to avoid the situation from escalating.
Your date (first date or boyfriend, or just friend) may insist they will order for you, or insist on sitting too close into your personal space, put an arm around your shoulders or a hand on your knee. If this is not something you want you should act on it.
Sometimes a woman’s best weapon is her voice. Tell the you prefer to order yourself, you prefer more personal space, you are not comfortable with them touching you. State it firmly. If that doesn’t work state it loudly and leave. Ask for help if the person insist. Remember it is ok to make a scene if someone is making you uncomfortable. If it is someone who is someone who truly cares about you and was using poor judgement they will apologize and hopefully it will never happen again. If it does happen again I recommend walking away and keep walking. If they don’t care about your feelings, they are a higher risk person who may end up abusing you, up to sexual assault or rape.
When you are walking, keep your head up and look around. Be aware of your surroundings and potential risks. If you feel nervous or feel the hair go up on the back of your neck become more alert. Parking garages and huge parking lots are both dangerous.
Remember the guy you see every day to say hi to on the elevator is not someone you actually know anything about. Don’t be overly comfortable or relax your guard just because someone is a familiar face.
Self-doubt, self-blame and confusion are the response bad guys are looking for. There are hundreds of control tests. I’ll talk about some common traps or schemes predators use later. Today’s primary points are to be aware, use your voice to defend your space and yourself, don’t be afraid to make a scene, and if uncomfortable for any reason get out of the situation.
*My goal every blog is always to help you improve your awareness and reduce your level of risk. I don’t want anyone reading this to become afraid of going out or stop trusting people. That’s not my intent. My intent is to improve your odds of living a safer and happier life because you are aware and empowered to take actions that make you feel safe.
Live life well; but live life Smart.